A Message to the Grown Ups.

“You speak of Generation Gap. I say , Yes we are a new Generation. Different from you. But I would like to correct you by telling you that we haven’t forgotten all that you have taught us. The Culture and Tradition. We remember , maybe even without our consciousness, all that you have told and display it on occasions, not so different from you.”

The above is not a quote by some famous person. It is just what I could think of , when I began writing this post. That is my message to present Parent generation. Maybe the elderly, say anyone has hit the age of 60 or 70 plus, wouldn’t have the mind set to digest even half of what I am about to say. And I write with the hope that I could at least make the present Parent generation understand.

Yes, it is about Relationships. Say it is the current “Trend” or “Fashion”.  Nowadays it has become more of a crime to be single. Not that all teens and the twenty something youth out there are couples. Still the “singles” population is the largest. Just that the percentage of couples has increased “significantly”.

Oh and don’t go blaming that we have started adopting the Western culture and are influenced by Western civilisation. I can point out a hundred plus points in a relationship before you point out one minus. And again I would like to go back to the starting paragraph of the post. What you taught us, we haven’t forgotten. The present Trend or Fashion is more of an Indian version or adapted version of the Western culture. But not entirely. Only a part of it.

First before I go in depth into analysing a lot. Let me ask you all (not just the parents) something. Why do you think a guy spending time with a girl alone is wrong ?

And now coming to the parents. You think once you discover that your son or daughter has got into a relationship , you are the ONLY people who are criticizing them ? The reason why I said we haven’t forgotten what you taught us and in fact display it even without our consciousness is because of this.

Haven’t we all teased some girl who roams with say a different guy every day ?  We start calling her names. My question to you, What do you know about the girl before you start assuming things about her.

Next a guy is spending a lot of time with say a girl who is really comfortable with. But only as a friend. All of us have been in that position , maybe in a group, when you start rumours about them being a couple. Why ? Do you think that just friendship is not possible between a guy and a girl ?

And now I get a hundred answers like arrows coming at me. “YES. I TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT A GUY AND A GIRL CAN BE FRIENDS”. This is only when you target each person individually. When in a group, Mob Psychology takes over. You lose that individuality of yours and start saying stuff about them. Why ? Because that is Us displaying the Culture and Tradition taught to us, Us with our brains hardwired to tell that a guy and a girl spending time alone, or a girl roaming with different guys , is WRONG. Individually we all accept it is right. But in a group, you go back to what has been the practice for generations. You become no different from your parents when they start lecturing you about going out with a girl/guy in your class.

Me being a guy and some of my earlier posts, many people mistake me to be a male chauvinist or anti feminist. For your kind information I am not. I think from all perspectives and perfectly know how it is for a girl to be called things when truth is something else.

I think that deals with people from our own generation or age group (inclusive of me, though I always could tell exactly when I was losing my individuality in a Mob). Now it is time to deal with the grown ups.

Let me explain in detail as to how you have been hardwired to think of a guy-girl friendship is wrong and how a guy-girl relationship is wrong.

There is quite a lot of difference between the two, Relationship and Friendship. Though you accuse us of using the latter with a vague boundary as an excuse for the former (if that confused you, it is about how you accuse us of using Friendship as an excuse or cover up for a relationship).

Now before I go Against you, let me give you your side arguments.

One, There are FOOLS who believe that the first girl they met or the first girl they enter in a relationship with is their life partner or in other words TRUE LOVE.

Two, There are cases of Relationships turning into a more serious and intimate Physical interaction. This you blame to be the influence of western civilization. Let me make it crystal clear to you. Even there no girl wants to lose her virginity just like that. And also let me make another thing clear to you. You are speaking from a country that had child marriages up until just decades ago.

Three, There are cases of Friendship turning into a relationship. But that is just because they felt a greater degree of intimacy.

Four, this is more of a complaint of yours. It has become a Fashion to be roaming as couples. Now I blame YOU if this happens. If you had instilled all moral values that you now say your child is going against, he/she would have had a more CONTROLLED EXPOSURE to the continuously evolving outside world where new fashions evolve and dissolve. They would distinguish between what happens because of influence of another person/group and what happens because of one’s own feelings.

The last is my case. I thank my Parents , for they had helped me in Controlled Exposure. It was to say a Conservative bringing up at home and a Radical Environment outside. That is when you can truly adapt.

Nowadays it has become more of a fashion among PARENTS to be open and discuss everything with their children. Let me tell you something. Give them some space to have something private. By encouraging them to share everything with you , you also encourage them to enter into foolishness and then they do it say LEGALLY with your permission. Rather if they learn by experiment, with constant pressure from you against something, they would naturally learn the Right and Wrong. Unfortunately that has become non-existent now. You don’t even give your children the THRILL of doing something without your knowledge.

Another question I have is, just because you were married in the so called ARRANGED MARRIAGES, why do you think Love Marriages would fail ? (Though I am basically against the term Love being used here, I think they should be called rightly as Relationship Marriages!). They fail if you don’t support them or act as if you have nothing to do with it.

I am writing this whole article. I understand all this. Now if I fall in a relationship with someone (Probability of someone falling in a relationship with me is 0.01 percent !), I wouldn’t simply think of marriage immediately. I have the rationality to think first of my future, me getting settled well, the other person getting settled well, and then starting a life. Infact I wouldn’t think of marriage till I have reached an age of 29 or 30. Why don’t you also take such positive examples from the western culture. There are marriages at ages of 35 over there too. When both the bride and the bridegroom are well settled and financially stable. Rather here as soon as the girl finishes her engineering (undergraduate level, not even PG), you want to get her married. There are so many young couples now. I have seen Women with babies before the age of 27. And with babies come responsibility so which means a perfectly capable, working woman at her peak performance , is GROUNDED at home with a baby to take care of. And this applies to both the FOOLISH LOVE MARRIAGES that you want to finish hastily before things take a turn for the worse, and for the ARRANGED MARRIAGES that you do today. Now is that thinking of yours RIGHT ?

The above was more related to the Working Population. Let us enter College life. Obviously with the new found freedom of college life, and with more interaction with the opposite sex, they are bound to enter relationships. Whether they know it or not, you as parents should know, they are pretty unstable and soon-to-end relationships. It would help a lot if you only interfere when you observe any loss of rationality in the couple. Otherwise it is perfectly fine as long as their grades or performances don’t dip. But you want to show your authority by going against it from the start, saying its wrong. I wont allow you to get into a relationship and all. First put yourself in your son/daughter’s shoes. Think whether he/she has been brought up by you as a perfectly logical thinker. Whether he/she can differentiate between right or wrong perfectly and can handle his or her own life. Then you can sit and relax and just observe what is going on.

And don’t go on about how you would have to explain if some other person of your family sees your son/daughter roaming with another girl/guy (in that order) somewhere. Remember, they have their kids too. They encounter same/similar situations back home. So they too share your position.

Now to the ones of our own set . Guys and gals, why don’t you change your age old thinking . Because whenever a friend of mine enters into a relationship he/she  says it could get serious and go on for a long time. Why don’t you change that thinking of yours for a second, and think right at the start of your relationship, “What will happen when this relationship fails/ends?”.  If you can do that. If you can live with that truth that this might not be your first or atleast your last one, then you will immediately sense  yourself becoming more aware of everything that happens in your relationship. The midnight phone calls, extended chats, restaurant bills everything seems REAL to you. You take responsibility and you start thinking properly in terms of income and expenses. Only that here income is your Pocket money. Atleast in the west they earn their own money.  Always entertain the possibility of the end , when you begin, so that when it ends, you don’t end up in an emotional mess.

Also to the parents, the current generation takes responsibility at a younger age than yourself. They handle their expenses a lot before you did. You had culturals in you college. They have it in their school. They are exposed to a lot more than what you were , and at a younger age. If you accept all that, then you should also accept that their mindsets are configured to enter into conversation with the opposite sex a lot sooner. Maybe you can delay the intercourse. But you cant do anything about the interaction ! And that is how frank I can be.

It is so simple. Why don’t you for once change your thinking and put yourself in their shoes and then see ?

And same goes to people of my own group. Why do you for once fill yourself in your parents shoes and reason our with them ? Also why don’t you stop that Mob mentality and think about the other person before you go on hurting them ?

I think I have conveyed what I wanted to within the usual page limit. Anything more would have been an overdose to the reader. If there is more to be added I would do so in a Part 2 .

 

 

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